It’s been a challenging week for me as I have been responsible for setting up and then invigilating the “True Story One Story” Film and Portraiture Display at the University.  This is alongside preparing for the start of the new academic year.  I am frequently asked: why do you push yourself so hard? 

I didn’t grow into leadership.  In fact, I was socialised into dependency, passivity and submissiveness.  It was only a couple of years ago that I realised that I was mispositioned in British culture and society.  I guess this is the outcome of what is termed ‘miseducation’.  I came to understand that human development continues throughout the life-span but as a black member of society I had been contained within black culture – a victim culture, a culture of soul murder, self-sabotage, deprivation, and I could go on and on.   My identity had been foreclosed as ‘black’ and I had no understanding of what it meant to undergo the ‘identity formation process’.  Choice was not an option for me.

Interestingly, Life took me on its own parallel journey anyway!  Despite a cultural system of limitation and deprivation, or because of such a system, I sought to break through the limitation and deprivation that was making my life a misery and a waste.  The outcome: I found myself at the junior eldership phase of the life cycle ready to take on the responsibilities of a leadership role that I had not been nurtured into and which did not exist let alone being prepared for it. 

This insight brings me back to the initial question: why do I push myself so hard?  The truth is, I am not pushing myself at all.  I am simply making the choiceless choice.  There is work to be done with my ethnic family and I am equipped at this particular time to make a contribution to that process. 

What do my sons (who support me in my work) and I gain from giving up precious Saturday afternoons to invigilate the True Story One Story Display.  Nothing and Everything.  The nothing is in the lack of interest in the plight of descendants of enslaved Africans as we languish unconsciously at the periphery of English society and culture unknown to ourselves let alone anyone else.  The everything is knowing that we are part of an unfolding story, greater than ourselves, pointing to the ‘furthering of humanity’ as a whole.  And, we are an important part of that unfolding story.  Even if you cannot see it!  Watch this space to see how the story unfolds on a daily basis.

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